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getting ready to go
12.23.04 (4:40 am)   [edit]
Tomorrow I drive to my Dad's house for Christmas. My stomach is in knots. I'm staying in a hotel this time to protect myself from some of the heartbreak associated with the house and the negative interactions of the people who now reside in it. It'll be easier dealing with physical pain and fatigue in private.

Christmas used to be a treasure, a shiney spot on the calendar. I delighted in choosing gifts for people I loved, wrapping them with care, giving them with open-mounthed joy. Now, It's nothing but a chore, so odious that even whining about it online seems better than doing it.

I've told my father that next year I won't be coming there at Christmas, nor will I be receiving or giving any gifts. The price to my health and sanity is too high. I don't think he believed me.

When my mother was alive, she was the lynchpin of the family. Now she's gone and none of us seems capable of filling her place. Rusty habits held us closefor a while, but with their disintegration we are being flung apart.
 


posted by: gfak40 (reply)
post date: 12.23.04 (6:13 am)

I hope that someday this changes for you...for the better of course.



posted by: lynne (reply)
post date: 12.23.04 (10:31 am)

You have to take care of yourself first. You never know, a few Christmas times on your own might make you more willing to spend Christmas with the family. And if not, well so be it. Take care of yourself first.




posted by: flaring (reply)
post date: 12.23.04 (12:37 pm)

Reply to: gfak40
Thanks gfak :)



posted by: flaring (reply)
post date: 12.23.04 (12:41 pm)

Reply to: lynne
Thanks lynne. I've got to agree with you. I've realized that for the last four years I've been doing holiday things with guilt as my sole motivator. It's not a good reason to do things.



posted by: Lizzy (reply)
post date: 12.23.04 (6:55 pm)

Christmas can be stressful at times. :( I hope things turn out better this year. :)

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